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Be Somebody Else

by jessica boudreaux

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about

Each verse in "Be Somebody Else" was a personal epiphany. This song started with the first line, “I wanna be somebody else” and in real time, as I wrote the song, I was learning what exactly I meant by that. A lot of my songs I tend to write in one sitting but the lyrics of this one came in pieces over time as I parsed through the last few years of my life. After finishing cancer treatment in 2021 I kept waiting to feel “normal”, I didn’t totally grasp that I was never going to be able to unsee any of that experience. I wasn’t going to ever move through life without a big question mark hanging over my future. When I got to the third and final verse of this song, I started to really understand how unkind I had been to myself for so long. Throughout my 20s I constantly extended grace and understanding to people who were completely undeserving all while hurting myself in the process. Wanting to be somebody else isn’t about envy, it’s about learning to give myself the same kind of love I so willingly gave to others.

lyrics

I WANNA BE SOMEBODY ELSE
DON’T THINK THESE WOUNDS ARE GONNA HEAL THEMSELVES
I DUG IN DEEP I GAVE IT ALL
THOUGHT I FOUND WATER BUT IT WAS SALT
I WANNA BELIEVE THAT WE’LL BE
80 YEARS OLD ON THE PORCH SWING
TIME ONCE FELT CERTAIN
NOW ITS DISEASED
IT'S THE NOT KNOWING THAT’S GETTING TO ME

I WANNA BE SOMEBODY ELSE
FOR JUST A WHILE TO RESET
MAYBE THEN I COULD FORGET IT ALL
CERTAIN THINGS ARE BETTER TO NOT KNOW
I’LL TRY TO CHOOSE WHAT I BELIEVE
INSTEAD OF PICKING APART WHAT I NEED
BLIND FAITH COULD SURELY GET ME FAR
BUT I’M GRASPING FOR ANY FUCKING OUNCE OF CONTROL

I PLAY MY FEAR BACK ON REPEAT
TO FIND THE SPACES I DON’T NEED
DISCARDED NAMES I COULDN’T KEEP
I TRIED EM ON BUT I’M STILL ME
YEAH SURE I TRY TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES
PRETEND I CARE, STRIKE A MODELS A POSE
THEY SNIFF ME OUT, THATS HOW IT GOES
THAT’S HOW IT GOES THEY ALWAYS KNOW

I WANNA STAND BEFORE THE COALS
BRILLIANTLY HOT UNDER MY SOLES
IF PAIN COULD TEACH ME ABOUT LOSS
MAYBE IT COULD GET ME DOWN FROM THIS CROSS
I WANNA BELIEVE THINGS WORK OUT
I WANNA FEEL MY HOPE COMPOUND
TO ACCESS KINDNESS FOR MYSELF
THE KIND OF GRACE I’VE JUST TOSSED AROUND

I PLAY MY FEAR BACK ON REPEAT
TO FIND THE SPACES I DON’T NEED
DISCARDED NAMES I COULDN’T KEEP
I TRIED EM ON BUT I’M STILL ME
YEAH SURE I TRY TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES
PRETEND I CARE, STRIKE A MODELS A POSE
THEY SNIFF ME OUT, THAT'S HOW IT GOES
THAT’S HOW IT GOES THEY ALWAYS KNOW

credits

released April 16, 2024
Recorded and produced by Jessica Boudreaux at Pet Club
Written by Jessica Boudreaux and Cass Blum
Drums performed and recorded by Ricardo Lagomasino
Mixed by Joe Reinhart
Mastered by Adam Gonsalves

Cover art image: Kait De Angelis
Cover art layout: Karl Kuehn

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about

jessica boudreaux Portland, Oregon

producer and artist from louisiana, living in portland. previously of Summer Cannibals.

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